Category Archives: CrossFit

Human Connection – Why it Created & Healed my Eating Disorder

​It’s not often I like to talk about my story. Maybe it’s because I’m ashamed of it, or because I don’t like the attention, but a lot of times, I think it’s because I often wish I could forget about it, or hide it from my life now. But I’ve decided I am going to work on tackling my fears, and start connecting to more people so what better way to do that, than to share my story.

A chubby kid growing up, I was always happy, always social, always easy –going and surrounded by friends. Enter middle school and that all changed. I started to become more aware of my body. It wasn’t quite as thin as my friends. I couldn’t just eat whatever I wanted like my sister. I couldn’t shop in the cool stores like everyone else. I started to disconnect a bit from my “cool” peers.

Flash forward to high school, quite possibly the worst 4 years of my life. I suddenly felt un-cool and unpopular. My group of friends grew smaller and I never quite felt like I fit in. I didn’t play sports and I started to bury myself in my dance classes. Dance for me was the one time, I felt confident. I was good at something. People liked me there. Some maybe even looked up to me.

As I became more and more self-conscious I began to hide more and more in school. I would go home during free periods, would skip hanging out with friends on the weekend and felt miserable hiding in sweatshirts.

Enter, a diet that worked. After tons of failed diets, and attempts at weight loss, I finally started to figure things out. Weight fell off of me and I finally started to “get skinny” – hooray! One would think this was all I needed to be social and have the life of my dreams, but boy was I wrong.

I spent hours planning my food every week. Started to track and count every calorie I consumed. Skipped nights out with friends in order to stay in and eat my allotted meals. I buried myself in dance classes, and despite my body aching every morning, kept slowly taking calories out of my diet. I had the body I had loved and yet my personality never felt smaller. I was miserable. At that point, I had hardly any friends left.

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I still have vivid memories of going home on free periods because I didn’t want to be around people. I would sit in my room at home, with my space heater on because I was freezing all the time. I would sip on sparkling water to fill up my stomach, and watch cooking shows on television. If that’s not irony, I don’t know what is.

My eating, food, and weight took over. As I got close to high school graduation, I was honestly excited. I was ready to break away from the school I hated and finally start over. I went to college for dance and suddenly realized that I was a small fish in a big pond. Where dance had once been the key piece of my self-love, it lost that magic in college.

I was no longer the best, brightest or strongest. Suddenly I was the least experienced, the beginner and I turned to my diet to cope. So afraid of regaining the weight I had once lost, I continued to obsess over food. I’m pretty sure I ate in the dining hall a total of 5 times, my freshman year. The first fight I ever got in with my new group of friends was because they were worried that I never ate.

Finally I had friends and people who cared about me and here I was pushing them away because of my eating disorder.

Then I met Christina. This was the first time, I found someone who understood what I was going through. She understood the anxiety and stress that food and my weight caused me. She saw me cry and agonize over my body and my eating disorder and it actually felt pretty good to share it with her.

I’ll never forget the first time I 100% opened up to her about this. Our nutrition class watched the documentary Thin in class. I was so upset by what I saw. Lifeless women trapped in their eating disorders, unable to live their lives. Back in our dorm room I burst into tears. Talking to my two roommates, one of whom was Christina, about my struggle, I finally felt like someone got it.

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I would like to say that this was my turning point, I’ve honestly never admitted it but I truly believe this was where my story changed. This was when I realized I wasn’t alone. Someone got me. Someone had been where I had been and wasn’t any more. I felt a connection I never had before.

Fast forward a couple years, as I struggled to recover from my eating disorder and not eating, I sprung in the other direction. Where I once had total control over my food, I now felt like I had none. I was hungry all the time and couldn’t make it through a week on a diet. My weight started to rise and my body insecurities came flooding back. I felt so ashamed that I couldn’t get it together. I didn’t want anyone to know why I was struggling. I was hungry constantly and could never get full.

Suddenly I felt like the 11 year old me again; the girl who didn’t want anyone to see me eating because I felt like I didn’t deserve to at my current weight.

I moved to New York after college and broke down. I was trying to dance. Trying to heal, and had absolutely no confidence or belief in myself. As you can guess, this didn’t end well and I quickly ended up back home. The next few years continued to be a roller coaster. I would go through phases where I’d eat well, then struggle with food, then feel bad about myself, and then try to diet. I continued to try diets, but my weight stayed the same.

I worked with therapists, coaches, and nutritionists, anyone who promised they could heal me. Dance slowly phased out of my life and something new came in. CrossFit. For me Crossfit was never about fitness. It was so much more than that. For the first time in a long time, I learned what it meant to proud of my body. To feel good about what I could do. I suddenly had a circle of friends again. I was stronger, more confident than ever before. And then I switched CrossFit gyms.

I attended a CrossFit where a lot of people from my high school went. Suddenly I got the odd feeling I was back in high school. I was self-conscious, undeserving of food, and felt like I needed to diet. The next couple years were filled with struggle and a lot of disappoint. I had a better hold on my eating, yet still struggled with shameful moments of overeating and then needing to compensate with under eating. I continually took breaks from Crossfit feeling like I needed to get away from the “high school drama” that let’s be real, I myself was creating.

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Never good enough, never fit enough, never thin enough, I told myself over and over again. At the time though, I felt “healed” from my eating disorder. Sure I struggled with confidence but food wasn’t a huge issue for me anymore, I tried to get my health coaching business running yet struggled again and believed it must have been because I was not good enough.

Then this past November I randomly applied for a personal training job. It was as if the pieces of the puzzle fell together. My eating started to feel easy again, I started working at a job I really enjoyed and finally I felt good enough again. I was growing my nutrition business doing things I loved and even lost a little. This is my success story I thought. Not quite.

I still had gremlins in my head telling me I wasn’t good enough. Still struggled sticking to my diet, and just couldn’t get past the point of limiting my own success. Then I came across another opportunity to grow my nutrition business. I received a random Facebook message from someone worked with Beachbody. No way I thought, not for me and politely turned him down. A month or so later I heard back from him, still trying. I of course, was too polite to shoot him down so listened to a webinar. Not for me I thought. I don’t sell.

After starting my training job, I loved life, I had no more need to desperately grow my nutrition business, my weight was down, and it was the holidays. A couple days after Christmas, I got a message from my Beachbody friend again. What did he want with me? He talked to me about posting on Facebook to build an audience. Let’s be real, me and my lack of confidence meant pictures and me did not get along. To appease him, I started posting, and suddenly realized that people actually listened.

Did this mean people maybe actually liked me? I continued posting on Facebook and eventually let him talk me into signing up as a coach. Why not? I figured it would be a good addition for my business but not really for me.

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A couple months in, I was made a last minute captain for a challenge group. Again, I figured why not, I could help other people of course; that I am good at; helping myself, not so much. Our challenge groups grew and naturally I felt comfortable supporting everyone else, but still got squeamish about posting. A workout picture? No way it was going to be of me; I’d show them my sneakers. But then I started to get more and more support. People were complimenting me, supporting me. Did they actually like me?

As I got more comfortable, I started posting more and more. I even built up the courage to share a transformation picture on Facebook after I had lost some weight. Things were going great. My confidence was growing a bit and I felt awesome. But then, because I could never be happy for too long, I decide to sabotage myself.

My “diet” I had been attempting stopped working. I moved and started to get a little more stressed again. I joined a new CrossFit that I loved but again, started to worry what people thought of me. And then my story changed, I didn’t let this break me, as I would have in the past. I continued posting in my challenge groups, continued to feel a part of something. Continued to share my story and I realized what I was lacking all these years. Human connection.

I no longer diet, count calories, macros or points.

I workout when I want to and not when I don’t.

I am working on not caring quite so much about what others think of me.

I am learning to say no.

I am putting myself first and mapping out my future to success.

I am learning to depend on myself, like myself, and have confidence and faith in myself.

I am always going to be a work in progress but I think we all are. I am happy to say my eating disorder thoughts are almost gone. I am eating to fuel my body and not to lose weight and am starting to realize that if someone doesn’t like me solely for the way I look, I probably don’t want to be friends with them anyway 😉

And guess what. That is my transformation. My transformation has nothing to do with the scale. My transformation has to do with connection. I am connected to myself now. I know how to connect and support others. And now I’m so excited to share my story with other people. To help other people connect and not feel so alone.

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P.S. I am still looking for my 5 ladies to commit to helping for the month of January. If you’d like to be one of the 5 who I mentor through a fitness program, custom meal plan, and more, please apply here.

Ladder Down Couplets

Here is a brand new workout for you! Complete each couplet before moving on to the next one. You will start with 10 reps of movement one, then 10 reps of movement two. You will then complete 9 reps of movement one, then 9 reps of movement two, all the way down to 1. The goal is to move quickly between exercises while still maintaining quality form.

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Want more workoutss like this? Sign up for a free membership and you’ll gain access to my top secret Facebook group where I post recipes, motivation, workouts, and more. Learn all about it here.

Apricot Scallop Stir Fry Plus Fitness Friday!

Happy Friday! We’ve finally made it to the end of the week! Today you’re getting fitness and a recipe!

First off Fitness Friday!!! 

CrossFit seems to be growing more and more popular by the day so I thought it might be neat to break down the different movements and lifts you’ll see in CrossFit and some tips for getting that form right!

Today is all about the Air Squat!

If you can sit in a chair you are capable of doing an air squat! This is one of my favorite moves of CrossFit because almost everyone can do it and it is easily scalable! The goal/standards of an air squat in CrossFit are getting the hips below parallel at the bottom of your squat and opening the hips at the top!

This is one of my absolute favorite pictures and a perfect example of proper depth:

Source

Some tips to remember when squatting (basically everything the baby says!)

  • To set up the squat feet should be shoulder width apart, eyes neutral, and midline tight (abs engaged).
  • To initiate the movement send your hips back and down (as you would to sit in a chair).
  • Weight is through your heels, do not rock forward onto your toes.
  • Throughout the squat you want to maintain a strong lumbar curve! This means that your back is not rounding over or hyper extending!
  • Chest should be tall even at the bottom of your squat, fight to stay upright!
  • Eyes are neutral throughout the squat (don’t look down or up).
  • Throughout the squats knees should be in line with the toes! This means they aren’t caving in or passing your toes at the bottom or your squat. You can check this by making sure your shins stay as vertical as possible!

 Now go squat! 

I also have a guest post up today on Jenn’s site…A Runner’s Story! It’s all about CrossFit and a compilation of some of my previous CrossFit posts! Check it out here!

Onto the recipe! 

I am not the biggest fan of seafood! I always wish I was because I know how great it is for you! Not only is it such a good source of lean protein but has so many other benefits including omega 3’s, great for heart health, and scallops in particular contain B12, another crucial factor in maintaining heart health! Here is a recipe perfect for summer and combines my favorite food ever…fruit with a milder tasting seafood! Perfect for me!

Apricot Scallop Stir Fry

Ingredients:

  • 3/4lb scallops
  • 1/2 cup all natural apricot preserves
  • 1-2 tsp. coconut aminos
  • 5 oz chopped mushrooms
  • 10 oz bag of frozen or fresh snap peas
  • tbs. fresh ginger, chopped
  • 1/2 tsp. minced garlic
  • olive oil, 1-2 tbs.

Directions: In a small bowl, mix together your coconut aminos and apricot preserves and let sit. Meanwhile microwave or saute your snap peas until fully cooked. In a saute pan, add around 1 tbs. olive oil and saute your mushrooms. When they are almost fully cooked add in your ginger and garlic. Remove the mushrooms from the pan. Add another tbs. or so of olive oil in the pan and cook your scallops. Cook on both sides about 5-6 minutes each side depending on how well done you like them. When the scallops are done cooking combine the scallops, apricot sauce, mushrooms, and snap peas in your saute pan and warm together over low heat 2-3 minutes!

Some Notes!!! 

This recipe is both gluten free and Paleo, with the exception of the snap peas, peas are technically legumes so they are not paleo! To make it Paleo swap the snap peas for broccoli, spinach, kale, or any other green veggie!!!

If you are not Paleo you could serve this recipe on top of brown rice or gluten free rice noodles!

Apricot Scallop Stir Fry

All Together! 

Like seafood or don’t touch it?! What’s your favorite kind? Mine is shrimp!

Squats, love them or hate them? I happen to love them!

What I ate Wednesday (Plus some CrossFit)

Happy Wednesday!!! Are you celebrating What I ate Wednesday! If you are link up over at Jenn’s blog…or just head over and check out everyone’s posts! Thanks so much to Jenn for hosting!

We’re combing eats and fitness this month! But first onto the eats….

Here’s a combo of eats from the past few days!

Breakfast has been the same! Siggi’s yogurt, my new favorite, and 2 tbs. of flax

Lunches and Dinners have been the usual salads! Getting in a rainbow!

If not salads its a focus on lean protein and veggies!

Snacks have been apple slices with a peanut flour drizzle and cinnamon

Many handfuls of cherries!

Smoothies!

And this awesome Kind bar!! Can’t wait to try the new flavors!

Onto the Fitness!!!! 

CrossFit WODing has been happening as usual!!! Feeling extra motivated after watching the Games!

Monday’s WOD was strength work… 1RM Clean and Jerk and then 80% of that OTMEM I got up to 135…

Tuesday’s WOD was working on our goals! I did Wall Balls, Ring Dips, and Double Unders! I’m still using a skinny band for ring dips and think I will be for a while but can’t wait until I don’t need one!

I also want to talk a bit more about CrossFit today! So if you read my blog regularly you know that this past weekend was the CrossFit Games! They were absolutely amazing and inspiring and I hope everyone got a chance to check them out this weekend! You may be wondering why I am so obsessed and enthusiastic about my love of CrossFit so I wanted to share with you my story of what CrossFit means to me! Here goes:

Before I was a CrossFitter, I was a dancer! I loved dance and even went for my B.A. in Dance. I had a very enjoyable four years of college but also struggled a lot with body image…it’s pretty hard not to when you’re wearing a leotard and tights in front of a mirror on a daily basis! After graduation, the reality of “now what?” came quick and I ended up pursuing the route of part time jobs from group fitness to teaching dance. I really loved my group fitness classes and got inspired to spend quite a bit of time in the gym. The focus for me was still on the way I looked, again when you are taking daily fitness classes you are spending a good hour of your day staring in the mirror while you work out. I would create my own weight circuits to do in the gym, take kick, spin, step, anything to up my cardio, and spent just a little too much time on the elliptical. Fast forward a few months and the gym that I taught at started offering separate CrossFit classes. I was intimidated by the classes, yet wanted so badly to try them. For a good 6 months, I watched from the elliptical what was going on in CrossFit, too nervous to try it for myself. After talking to one of the coaches about it, she convinced me to finally come try a class that Saturday morning. So I went!

I will never forget that Saturday! It was a field and team workout, including everything from burpees to fireman’s carries, and finishing inside with deadlifts! It was one of the hardest things I had done, yet one of the funnest. After that day I joined and from there I was hooked. My first 8 months of CrossFit I wasn’t really, all in. I went around 3 times a week but didn’t change up my nutrition and will admit, I sometimes skipped the workouts I was afraid of. Then came my first Paleo challenge. It was then that everything clicked for me. I started CrossFitting 4-5 times a week and following strict Paleo. During this time I started to see actual progress. It was then that I realized that this progress I was seeing had absolutely nothing to do with how I looked but rather what I could do! When we did our final benchmarks for the challenge I was ten times more excited about the fact that my back squat went up by 20lbs than the fact that my measurements went down!

Fast forward to today! CrossFit is a huge part of my life. I fuel myself with healthy foods for CrossFit. I schedule my days around when I want to WOD. I set monthly and yearly goals based on what I want to accomplish in CrossFit. CrossFit has taught me a ton but one of the most important things it has taught me has absolutely nothing to do with fitness. For the first time, I have learned how to be proud of myself, how to push myself beyond what I think I am capable of, how to trust my coaches and learn new things daily. CrossFit has taught me what it means to put what I can do first and how I look second! I couldn’t ask for anything more than that! Being a part of one of the most supportive and motivating communities has inspired me to just be better! Do better! Act better! Feel better! I can’t imagine where I would be had I not gone to my first CrossFit class! Had I known from the start how much CrossFit would impact my life, I would have started a long time ago, but I am so grateful that I started when I did and that I continue to enjoy it on a daily basis!

Missed my past CrossFit posts? Here they are:

So tell me…did you watch the games? What did you think? 

Would you try CrossFit? 

Marvelous in My Monday

Happy Monday!!!! Thank you as always to Katie for making our Monday’s better by hosting Marvelous in my Monday!!!! So many things are marvelous about this Monday but here are just a few…

 Meal Prep Monday….

Apples, Unsweetened Vanilla Almond Breeze, Sun Dried Tomatoes, Goat Cheese Medallions, Red Pepper, Shredded Carrots, Baby Spinach, not pictured are Sweet Potatoes and Cherries

Siggi’s yogurt, Fresh Field’s Chicken breast, Organic Powdered Peanut Butter, Peaches Applegate Farms Southwestern Chicken, Kelp Noodles

Pretty simple grocery trip this week. I’ve been lacking in ideas for meals and recipe inspiration lately! Any recipes you want to see Paleoified or made gluten free? 

Marvelous Food Finds


Kelp Noodles! I keep seeing these in random recipes and finally found them at Whole Foods! I curious to cook with them! Detoxinista just posted a recipe with them so I think I will have to try it out!

Goat Cheese Medallions! These are from Trader Joe’s and while I have seen them on the Fitnessista’s blog many times, I have never been able to find them…until now! I love goat cheese and love that this is pre-portioned into a 1 oz serving! Perfection!

CrossFit Games Weekend

So the CrossFit Games are over and while I am sad that they are done for the year, what an amazing weekend! I was so inspired by watching these athletes work so hard all weekend! This made me realize what an amazing community the CrossFit community is! It’s amazing to see how much the sport of CrossFit is growing and I am excited to see it continues to grow!

What do you get when you combine dedication, determination, motivation, hard work, support and inspiration?….The CrossFit Games!

Some of my favorite moments of the weekend:

Spealler’s final workout: Chris Spealler is the only CrossFit athlete to have competed in all six of the CrossFit Games! This is his last year competing as an individual and as he competed in his entire workout, the whole crowd went crazy for him! Truly awesome! He represents CrossFit for me! Random fact: he was one of my Level One coaches when I did the cert. last August and was super nice!

The Sportsmanship: I say it all the time but one of my favorite things about the games is how supportive the athletes are of each other. At the end of every workout the athletes all tend to gather around the final competitor working to cheer him/her on! It is not uncommon to see them giving advice, coaching the athlete through the movements, or just offering encouragement! Such a great display of community!

My favorite workouts…

The Girls~I mentioned it before but I love watching the teams compete! This workout was in last’s year’s games as well and is the only repeat workout ever in the games! It also happens to be one of my favorites because it is 100% pure CrossFit! Each team member completes one of the Girls (Elizabeth, Fran, Isabelle, Grace, Diane, Karen) workouts before the next team member begins. Walk into any CrossFit box and your WOD may just be one of these “girls”. The final workout for individuals was very similar to this workout and I loved that it ended with Fran!!!!!

The Clean Ladder~This is just the coolest display of raw strength and technique coming together! This is such a spectator WOD too because there are so many athletes to watch all at once!

Marvelous Links….

Just some link love from the past week! As always there is always so much I want to feature but here are just a few of my favorites!

Do you have a link you want to share? 

Tell me something Marvelous about your weekend?